No Cane Yet

We only had quad canes in my office, no thanks! Someone tried to fashion a cane for me out of half of a forearm crutch, again, no thanks! So it is my crutch for a bit longer. The problem, according to P, appears to be that I am not getting enough extension (or any extension) when I walk. So we worked on that with mobs, soft tissue work and strengthening into extension. He had me do single leg bridges with rotation, so you rotate away from the leg and that gives you more extension. I also did single leg walking on the treadmill to increase extension but after 5 minutes, my quad on the standing leg fatigued. I also did the Fitter into extension. Hopefully this will all help. I have my op-report, it is LONG, I will type it up and post tomorrow night when the kiddies are asleep and J is out at a bachelor party!

To Crutch or Not To Crutch

I am tired. Crutching is a full body workout, but so is limping. I have been using my crutch for long walks but today a few times I ran in and out of a store without it. I also cooked a lot this morning and ran errands. by tonight, my limp was more than subtle. My adductors really hurt, I will run this by P tomorrow and see what he thinks. I think I need a cane, rather than 1 crutch. I don't own one, and don't want to buy one since this will be REALLY temporary. But its not like at 27 I can ask a friend to borrow a cane!! Hahaha! I will see if there is an extra one in my office tomorrow!

My 1 Year Anniversary

Today marks the 1 year anniversary of when my hip saga began. For anyone just beginning their journey, I can assure you that in the hands of the right surgeon, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I am going to do a flashback to November 28, 2006.

Shit, my hip hurts. It hurts when I drive, and especially when I push the kids in the double stroller. It is a really annoying pain. It feels like something is in my joint. My friend/ PT is coming into work around 3, I will ask her to work on it and hopefully get some relief. She showed up and I told her I was dying of pain, she did a painful release on my iliacus/psoas, I felt better immediately, but in the car on my way home, things got bad again.

I went into work the next day, again, in agony. First I had one therapist stretch my hip flexors and ITB, thinking this may help. Then I had another one check it out. She said there is definitely some kind of impingement. Then I asked P for help. He was really busy so I waited until he was done seeing patients. What makes the day so memorable is that it was Jk's 1st birthday, and I was having a small dinner party, and lacking a few key ingredients. I used P's full schedule to run to the supermarket near my office but didn't find what I was looking for (which I now don't even remember what it was). P did all kinds of releases, ART, mulligan mobs...It felt good...until I was in my car again. Shit. What is this????

I got home, L had ballet and there was no food for my party! I ended up ordering pizza, Jk didn't know the difference! After we had cleaned up and the kids were in bed, I hit the computer. I had a feeling I had a labral tear, and the word impingement reverberated through my head. I think I first looked for a surgeon, before I did anything else, that is me, always thinking ahead! I was trying to remember when I had seen a hipscope, and who did them, and no one was popping into my head. At the time, there was a hipscope patient in my office and she was a wealth of information, but I wasn't willing to see her surgeon (he was in NJ), I knew it had to be someone at HSS. So I looked and searched, and researched labral tears, FAI.....Not just that night, but every night after that for weeks. After a week or 2, I decided this wasn't getting and made an appointment with Dr.Kelly. I was between him and another surgeon. I had emailed a professor of mine about this and he had recommended against the other surgeon for personal reasons. So Dr.Kelly it was. If things didn't go well, then I would pursue other options, it was just a consult, right. Hopefully he would order an MRI and get to the bottom of this. The rest is history....but in a nutshell...

3/5/07 R hip arthroscopy, Pincer impingement, labral tear debridement, synovectomy
7/2/07 L hip arthroscopy, Cam and Pincer impingement, labral tear debridement, synovectomy
11/12/07 R hip revision arthroscopy, Cam impingement, removal of scar tissue, synovectomy, upon examination, found to have beautiful psoas

11/28/07 Riding high on life (bc everything else makes me sick) and enjoying a painfree lifestyle, looking forward to ditching my single crutch very very soon! :-)

You Won't Believe This

I just puked.....WTF???? No more herbs for me either I guess!!!

Slowly Returning to Normal

I am slowly returning to my life as it was pre-scope, minus the pain, minus the 'am I crazy' thoughts! Today I also returned to acupuncture. As skeptical as I was, I think it was great. I had so much energy afterwards and my Crohn's issues got better. Today was no exception. I was speaking to the acupuncturist about my results.....and he checked my pulse bc that is what they do. So he said 'are you sick?', I am, I have had a cold and ear and sinus pain for a while, but have been trying to put off going to my doctor since I really don't like her anymore, after the 'stitches incident' after my second scope. So he keeps feeling my pulse, 'are you coughing anything up? do you have head pain? ear pain?', wow, is he a mind reader? I said I am sick and probably need an antibiotic, he said no, it is viral (okay???) bc my pulse is very slow and weak, my body is fighting something. Weird. He sent me home with some herbs in pill form bc there is no way I would make a tea out of dirt and drink it! I have no clue what I just took, one says take 8 pills 3 times/ day and one says take 3-4 pills 3 times/day. I hope this works. I I don't ever blog again you will know never to take strange, unknown herbs!

I have been sticking with one crutch outside, except today, I had to go to Toys R Us. Jk's b-day is Thursday and chanukah is next week. I didn't think I would be able to maneuver the shopping cart and my crutch so I left it in the car and used the cart as support. Note to self and others: carts are not intended to be substitutes for crutches. I was exhausted, really exhausted when I left, I mean, close to dead (this was before I took the herbs). I went to pick up L at school and contemplated using 2 crutches but really really didn't want to. So now my Trendelenburg is worse but I have a feeling it will be fine in the morning. Still no real pain!! Hooray!

As a gift to my hip, I had my groceries delivered today!!!

Back to Boring

My photo shoot is off! The PR company called and said they decided they didn't need more pics. I guess they finally realized that there is no story and a failed hipscope is no way to promote the hospital! Not that I have anything negative to say, in fact, I am still walking on sunshine bc I am so happy that I am doing so well and have no more FAI!

I wanted to share something not hip related, so feel free to stop reading! I cooked dinner tonight (spaghetti and meat sauce) and fed the kids and bathed them alone. It looked like a spaghetti massacre when they had finished! So I put them right in the tub and went to clean the floor and table. After a few minutes, L called me 'Jk made caca in the tub', oh shit (no pun intended) so I ran in (actually, I hobble walked quickly) to assess the damage and didn't see anything. 'L', I said, 'there is nothing there', 'Mommy, you have to put on goggles and look in the water'. I hope it sounds as funny written as it was when it happened bc I was cracking up. She always has the funniest things to say. She has also developed a new york accent, neither J or I have one, but now she says flowah, watah, papah, instead of flower, water, paper. It is so irritating.

PT, Finally!

I was late for my appointment, but I did eventually get there!! It felt like I hadn't been there in...forever! P asked what we were up to, I laughed bc we weren't up to anything really! So I rode the bike for a while, did some side to side on the wobble board since according to P I have a 'mild to moderate Trendelemburg', so when I walk, my right hip drops down bc it is not strong enough to support me yet.
I did bridges, hip adduction with a ball, hip abduction with a green theraband, lateral leg lifts. Then P showed me a progression for a new exercise he had learned at a course a few weeks ago (we are always at continuing education courses, my boss says he likes to hire PT nerds, and we so are!!!), 5 lateral (sidelying) leg lifts, then hold the leg up, 5 knee bends, then 5 times rotating into IR/ER, all while holding the leg up. I was a little shaky but I did it. Then some seated hip IR/ER with a ball in between my knees and a band around my ankle. Finally, isometric hip abduction against the wall, balancing on the right.

It sounds like a lot but it really wasn't.I am not sore at all. He did a Mulligan mob for hip extension, I put my left leg up on a chair and lunged forward, so the right went into extension, he put the Mulligan belt around my hip and applied a lateral distraction. He also did a lot of quad and hip flexor stuff and some prone anterior mobs, also for extension. I am ready for a nap!!!

Thanksgiving Fun Cont.

Luckily we are home and have no stairs! I have minimal pain, could probably benefit from Tylenol but I have a huge aversion to anything that closely resembles a pill, or may possibly be medicinal. I didn't leave the house all day yesterday but took care of the kids crutchless. This involved breakfast, playing, lunch, naptime, snack. Luckily J did all the packing and loading of the car. We tried to minimize the stairs and stay on one level as much as possible. Stairs in and of themselves don't seem to be a problem, it was actually easier to them crutchless using a step through pattern as opposed to a step to pattern. But the hip really feels good. I have a little move I call my 'making sure I still have pain...or am I losing it', it was especially helpful post-injection 1 and 2 when the radiologist did not do a pre and post test. I stand on the affected leg and internally rotate the hip by turning my body away (out).If there is impingement, it pinches. It no longer pinches on the right, YAY!!!!! I am cured! I will have a 'brace throwing away event' soon. Interestingly, I held onto it after my first scope, something in the back of my head said to keep it. I still have the left brace too but I will toss it as well. Anyway, I wore it one day after this scope.

This morning we took the kids to a holiday cookie baking and magic show (the magician didn't show up though), it is at L's school so we walked. I walked with 2 crutches but left 1 in the stroller when we got there. Later we went out for pizza and I took one crutch. I get tired after a while, that's why in the house I was ok, I wasn't going very far in one stretch.

But it is so nice to be home, like any good Jewish family, there are always in-law issues, sibling issues and plenty of food! I have never eaten so much dessert before, hopefully my body needed all those extra calories to heal!

I return to PT tomorrow, I am not sure if I will go more than one time this week. Dr. Kelly wants me to take it slow, and it is Jk's birthday on Thursday, we are going to see Playhouse Disney Live! I will let P check my ROM and see what he thinks. Extension is going to be my biggest issue this time around I think, and I am developing some trochnateric bursitis, I think. I am still awfully bruised on the trochanter and medial to the incisions. It makes me wonder if they ever found the cushioning device that was 'missing' pre-op. L says my femur is very purple. Yes, she says femur. She is very into anatomy, and at 3, it i impressive, She knows the following bones: Scapula, clavicle, humerus, radius,ulna, phalanges, femur, patella, tibia, fibula, calcaneus. She loves medical dramas as well. We watch House, Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice and Scrubs.

I have some cute pics, we have a new camera so I will try to get J to upload them for me!! I am in bed for my daily rest!

Really Really Quick Update

I have been having trouble finding time to post as I need a few solid minutes without interruption and that is hard. It was a rarity at my in laws and I couldn't even respond to emails! I will post a longer update later. I used no crutches all day in the big house yesterday until the evening when I was just too tired so I picked up one. I woke up this morning and was ok for a few steps but then reluctantly picked up the crutch. I think I will take 2 with me in the morning when we go out and see if I can do 2 later...more to follow.

Happy Thanksgiving

We are in Boston, at my in-laws. Remember, the house with all the steps....I am being extremely non-compliant with my crutches. I am using them very little in the house since the kids are all over the place and there is not much help here. I actually just carried Jk up the stairs, crutchless, bc he wouldn't come with me when I asked nicely! It has been a difficult trip, as always! Left hip still holding up well. Actually, it is better for my left when I am off of crutches!

On the drive up, we drove with my sister in law and baby, they drove the car I didn't want to drive to my appt on Wed, it has a transmission problem and needed to be brought to Boston to be fixed.....So she drove that car and we drove our car. About an hour before we got here, the car died! So we piled all of her stuff into our car, plus the carseat, stroller, coats, blankets....My car seats 8 and we were tight! Luckily, the tow truck driver needed J to go with him to show him where to go, I ended up driving and my piriformis was not at all happy. I got to the house stiff, tight and cranky (seems to be a theme lately)!

I think we will be heading home tomorrow night to avoid traffic and crankiness!

Today I have had to walk without crutches in the house often to feed the kids, get our stuff together...I am not a happy camper! When I do too much, the incisions start to hurt and get tender. I haven't been able to have a good look at them bc they have steri-strips on them. They feel raised and hard though, P will have a field day breaking up scar tissue.

9 Day Revision Post-Op Appointment

My stitches are out, phew. They were really grossing me out already. My appointment went well, actually, this is probably the best appointment I have ever had. There was no talk, mention or suggestion of a future surgery! I think I turned a new page! Dr. Kelly was happy with my ROM so far, and even secretly pleased that I had been in bed for so long since it seemed to help the hip a lot. He showed me all of the scope pics, there were tons, I think more than my other 2 surgeries combined. Also the before and after x-rays. He had tons of pictures of my psoas, it looked beautiful! He said he was really nervous going in that the psoas was really going to be an issue and he had promised me he wouldn't cut it. "You were right" he said, and repeated it!! I explained that I hadn't meant to give him a hard time about it, but I truly believed from the bottom of my heart that the psoas was fine. I explained that it had always been tight and tender but hadn't changed in the whole interim of pre and post surgery and rehab. He even had a final shot of the psoas as he was coming out, just to make everyone happy!

He said there was a lot of scar tissue that he removed. The cartilage on the femoral head looked great, it was not perfect on the acetabulum but not too bad. It had been damaged slightly from the cam impingement. Now for the cam.....it was there. Duh, haven't I been having impingement for a while now! The CT-scan should have picked it up, they measured the alpha angle, I have to look up the report, I believe that an alpha angle under 50 is normal and mine was 34 (don't quote me on that). Well, it turns out that I had 'special cam impingement'. It was not typical, which is why it was initially missed, it was very subtle, but not mild, meaning, it sure as hell was there but difficult to see. Just my luck! So he shaved it down and gave me a normal looking femoral head which no longer impinges ! YAY!!

I explained about the nausea and he regretted not being able to get my beloved Dr.Jules for anesthesia, but at least being in bed and doing nothing has helped with the pain. He wants me to take it easy with rehab, go slow, especially in the beginning and not to overload the other leg. Right now, it is good, and has not lost anything!

So now it all falls in the hands of rehab! I think we can handle this!!! :-)
Oh, I forgot to ask for my op-report, I will call first thing Monday morning!

I Really Am A Total Brat

A lot happened to day so I will post twice. I had a meltdown today. I knew it was coming, it was about time, I need a good meltdown every now and then. My nanny didn't come in yesterday bc her husband had surgery, major surgery, not elective, orthopaedic surgery! I need my house to look a certain way or I develop anxiety. Today, she was supposed to come around 1, take Jk to mommy and me, clean up, do laundry......but her husband wasn't doing well. She called me to tell me he was having fever and chest pain and difficulty breathing, so she needed to stay with him.

So me, the total diva, got off the phone and started crying, not because I felt bad for her, but bc I needed laundry done, the floor washed and Jk taken care of. I am shocked! How un-sympathetic of me, but it has been a long 10 days and I think this was the straw that broke the camels back. I managed to pull it together, sort of clean up the house and make it into the city for my post-op appt. I got into an argument with J over which car to take. Me, the diva, wanted my car, but since the nanny wasn't coming, J needed it to take Jk out for pizza, instead of my idea, to have J move the carseat around. Anyway, it all worked out. But I am a brat.

2 Steps forward....blah blah blah

No, my head is not back in the toilet! I overdid it, in a major way. My mom left this afternoon and I really have very little patience for things not being done my way. I know, this is only temporary, I should deal, but I can't. Anyway, the kids needed dinner, and they wanted more ketchup, and L wanted lemonade, then Jk wanted lemonade, then they wanted more french fries, then they needed grapes...so I ditched my crutches...temporarily.

Now remember, I have had almost no pain until now...until now. Stupid, stupid, stupid. There is ignorance, where I could have said I didn't know better, but I do know better, there was no excuse. I had tears in my eyes from pain, and oh how I longed for the satisfaction of a Percocet...but ice it was. And ice really helped. As did the resumption of 2 crutches. I spread out on the couch with my precious, stolen icepack for the duration of an entire episode of Little Einsteins. Once the kids were in bed, I entered mine, and plan on staying until tomorrow and hopefully this will only be a very very temporary setback. I feel like a recovering drug addict, I long for the relief of drugs but know I can never have them again!!!

Now That Things Are Clearer....

Is it fair to say I hate the anesthesiologist? I really don't know if this is his fault, but it is easiest to blame him, since I will never see him again anyway!!!! My back hurts too, in the area of the epidural, coincidence? I think not! I don't think he liked me very much, as I think I mentioned previously, when I asked for 'Zofran, lots of Zofran', he got cocky with me and said 'studies show it makes no difference if you give more than normal....' I woke up nauseous this morning but doing better now. I long for the day that I will feel 'normal' again. To make matters worse, J is sick now too. For those of you who don't know him, he is a huge baby, so clearly, this is not good for anyone. He needs to let everyone know, every minute, that he is sick. Like we can't tell by his horribly loud hacking cough. What's even better is that since we share a bed, he hacks all over me as well, nice!

My mom is going home today, so we will be on our own, hacking cough and all. The plan was to take Jk for a haircut today, his hair has gotten a bit out of control, and my mom decided to trim his bangs bc he couldn't really see anymore, so now he looks like we purposely left a mullet on the back. He is still really cute though, if I do say so myself! The children's haircutting place here is closed Mon. and Tues., so I proposed taking him to 'real' barber shop. If it stops raining,we will head on over. I tried convincing L to get her hair cut where I get mine done. I had to take her with me a few weeks ago bc of a nanny snafu. On our way, she turned to me, and in a very serious voice she asked 'mommy, are you going to sit in a truck?'. I had to explain that grown-ups sit in special chairs and don't get to watch videos and eat lollipops during haircuts. Now, when I ask her if she wants to go where I go, she laughs and says 'don't be silly mommy, I have to go to the kid's place'!!

To Sum up a Week

The worst is over. I ate 3 meals today, and they all stayed down. Here is the current crutch situation. I walk from my bed to the bathroom with no crutches. Around the house with one crutch for short distances, but if I do too much I need 2 crutches in the house. I just got 'stuck' in the kitchen, I had 1 crutch and just couldn't walk anymore with it alone, so I needed a 'rescue'. My incisions hurt the most right now, but I feel some mild pain in the hip with 'excessive' walking. I am having anterior tightness and need to get my ass to PT. Today I became semi-compliant and did bridges and isometric hip adduction. I didn't have the motivation to go looking for my theraband yet. I will take it with me when we go away for Thanksgiving. Overall, my hip is the best post-op this time than any other time. Thank goodness, I don't think I could handle pain and nausea, or maybe I just don't feel the pain because of the nausea.

Once again, I think I was right. But no one listened to me this time. I really wanted MY anesthesiologist. I also would have been thrilled to not be sedated, I didn't even bring it up this time since I was shot down so quickly when I suggested it to the anesthesiologist at my first scope. I think we could have avoided a lot of unpleasantness though.

I have my first post-op with Dr. Kelly on Wed. so I will see the pictures clearly, not through a Dilaudid haze, and get a clearer idea of what he found within the joint.

Its Dreary Out...

But inside, there seems to be a light at the end of the tunnel. I went for blood work this morning, CBC, chem-7 and some liver function stuff... I think. I was then absolutely sick of being home so I went out for lunch. I tolerated a vegetable soup and roll, yay!!! I also walked to L's school to pick her up as well as to see Jk at mommy and me (nanny and me???). My aunt and cousin have been here since Thurs. to help and visit and were leaving today, so they also wanted to see Jk, it was a good excuse to take a short walk.

The PR company for HSS called me today. They loved the pictures and loved my 'story', they want to do a follow-up shoot in my house. Crazy! But being the desperate housewife that I am these days, I can take some time out of my 'super busy' day for this!

Now I am back at home once again, tired from this day of adventures.
Apparently I had a PT appointment this morning which I completely blew off, I do apologize P, it was rude and inconsiderate, but I thought I had no appointments this week. I don't think I will be in again until next week, I just want to take it easy and really get over this, then begin to be compliant with my rehab! I will start some exercises today, I will keep you posted!

Nausea Nausea Go Away

Yes....you know the deal. Better but still nauseous. I am going to get some labwork done today just to rule out something (don't know what). I posted this issue on a Crohn's board, similar to the hip boards, the responses were overwhelming, and all said it must be the anesthesia. This is the last time I have surgery without Dr. Jules! In fact, this better be the last time I ever have surgery!!!!!

Sunday Funday

I was hoping today, once again, would be better. Last night I got out of the house for a little but had to quickly come because of....well, you know....
This morning was back to feeling like crap. A good friend came by and brought me a passionfruit iced tea from our new Starbucks (yay) which was wonderful. The combination of sweet and tart is really helpful. Around noon I had some rice, which stayed down, and later I showered and left the house! We had a good friend's b-day party. I sat in the car in fear that I would get sick, with a bottle of ice water, slowly sipping! I made it!
I made it through the party with lots of drinks and some chicken soup, and made the car ride home as well. Now I am comfortably resting in my bed! Since I was up and about, my hip hurts a drop, the incisions are the worst. They hurt a lot more this time. The pain is pretty superficial. Maybe Dr. Kelly just pretended to actually do surgery to get me off his back, made incisions and moved some instruments around to give the impression!!! Hahahaha, Paranoid or what!!

Its All Relative

I feel ALOT better, but I still feel like crap! Today I got out of bed and actually ate, most importantly, it stayed down. I have spent the last 4 days in bed, miserable. This is definitely the worst recovery early on so far. I spoke to my GI yesterday who thought it may be a reaction to anesthesia, and to call him if I had other GI issues, which luckily I didn't.
I am still nauseated but can eat some things and drink, which is a huge improvement. I even took a short walk around the block today just to get some fresh air.

Caution: Grapic,Read at Your Risk

Believe it or not I am still sick. I put in a call and email to my gastro bc this is no longer 'normal'. I can barely get out of bed. I thought part of the problem was the side effects if the narcs and zofran (i.e constipation) so I took a laxative last night which gave me awful cramps and took 15 hours to fully work (fun). I woke up this morning vomiting stomach acid, water and the apple juice. Once the laxative had fully worked, I was able to keep down ice chips and juice. I have never felt so sick before.

29 Hours Since my Last Hit

I am Percocet free...still. The withdrawl is going well!!! I don't think I can ever take narcotics again, I am so scared. I have been in bed for 29 hours with ice on and off, I occasionally haul myself out to use the bathroom or ride my bike for fear of a DVT. I am also trying to remember to do ankle pumps and quad sets and short arc quads in bed to help the blood circulate.

I am a lot better than yesterday but not great, I can't believe the nausea has not completely passed. I am eventually going to have to get up and do more stuff, then the pain med situation may become sticky. Worse comes to worse, I have Darvocet, which has been good for me in the past. I hope it doesn't come to that.

It is definitely not what I take, but how much. I think the levels were just so built up in my system I couldn't tolerate it anymore. Live and Learn!

A New Day, A Brighter Day

I wish! I woke up nauseous, It has now been 22 hours since my last Percocet and I still feel like crap. Last night I felt better so I had dinner, then took 2 Tylenol and went to bed. I was not expecting to wake up sick again. I have been drinking ice water only, I took a Zofran, hasn't helped much. I showered and decided to ride my bike a little since I have been so sedentary and do not want a DVT. The bike still hurt my butt, thanks perineal post, but better than Tuesday. I am losing track of days as I leave my imprint on my mattress!

I plan on icing, icing, icing, and not moving. Luckily I have a laptop so really have everything I need with me. We had grand plans to go out for dinner tonight...we will see!

Raining on My Parade

If you would have seen me this morning, you would have been very impressed. I was dressed, really dressed, skirt, tights, shoes, top (I ditched the hip brace). I had makeup on, my hair looked good. I looked presentable. J and I had an 'interview' for L's preschool for next year (welcome to the wonderful world of NY). We went, the school is in a small building with 4 floors, no elevator. But I was feeling great. I had taken Percocet through the night as needed, Zofran in the morning. We arrived and I did all the steps for our tour, they loved L, they even asked 'what can we do to convince you to let us have her next year?' One less thing to worry about.

After the interview, we dropped her off at her current pre-school and I walked home the 1 1/2 blocks. I came home and got into bed since my left leg was tired and my TFL and adductors were aching. I was also hungry, but nauseous and lightheaded. 'Traditionally', Wed. has been my 'not so great day' post-op. I decided on toast and tea for lunch. My stomach decided on no toast, no tea, and no more Percocet, and proceeded to expel every thing inside of it, numerous times.

This left me in a dilemma, I NEED narcotics, ok, that sounds bad, but temporarily, I am in pain and need something. I put a call into my OS office, with a note of urgency, and luckily got a call back within 20 minutes. I was told to wait until the Percocet is all gone/metabolized, no narcotics right now. This may be a reaction to anesthesia as well, not just Percocet. Start with ice chips, proceed to water, then crackers and take Tylenol. I am feeling better nausea wise. I have also iced like a madwoman, to numb it up to help with pain.

It also helps that my thigh is pretty numb from the surgery itself, hopefully it will go away on its own, it is a pretty large patch this time. All anterior, over my quad.

I had big plans to attend the PTA meeting tonight at L's school, since I had been doing so well. Maybe tomorrow I will have a more exciting day. I would love to work on my TFL on the operated side but the entire area is purple, looks awful. This is the worst I have looked after surgery ever. L asked me why my femur is purple! She is so funny. She is great with anatomy. She knows the following bones: Scapula, humerus, radius, femur, patella, tibia, calcaneus, phalanges, clavicle and 2 muscles: gluteus maximus and hamstrings. She is my little genius!

I am starving, as you can imagine. I am going to go try to eat something.

I have been in bed for 7 1/2 hours now, my leg has been climbed over numerous times but rambunxious children and is holding up!

History

Since I am awake, alone (J is happily snoring beside me), I decided to use my blog for what it was intended for,to learn from my experience. I went through my last surgery's post-op entries to see if there is anything I can do differently. I immediately noticed the one huge change is the pain med situation. I had a nasty few days last time until I started the Percocet, this time, I am doing great with the early start of Percocet. I was also curious as to when my right hip started hurting, I mention it around 1, 1 1/2 weeks but it seems like I had been hiding it until then (the truth is difficult sometimes).

I also noticed that I was not able to do a heelslide until Friday (Monday surgery, I am already able to do one, Yay Pre-hab!! I have more numbness this time around though and more swelling. P was going to measure the swelling but I said absolutely not- no one is measuring the circumference of my thighs!!! I also took the time to update my Timeline ad my profile (how long until I can go back to work???)

Details, Details,Details Part 2

As promised, here is the rest of the 'story'.

So the last thing I remember is the anesthesiologist asking me to sit up and then passing out. I am really scared of spinal needles, I have horrific memories of the pain of the spinal before my c-section and the epidural during childbirth with Jk, I like that I was out fr it during my first 2 scopes and wanted the same this time.

I was awakened in the OR, I think, and I asked what time it was, someone said 10:30, and then I fell back asleep. I remember waking up in the PACU again, maybe Dr.Kelly had come to speak to me as I really made it clear that I wanted to speak with him before going home. He had told me to make sure not to leave, plant my feet and don't move, until he came out of surgery!!! He tried to show me the scope pics and some x-rays, but seriously, he could have been telling me about the football game from the day before, he did say something about scar tissue and the cam bump, then I fell asleep. My spinal began wearing off and my pain was bad. I was given some Dilaudid, I slept some more. Then the PA from pre-op came to check on me, I remember saying 'I need pain meds', which got everyone jumping. The nurse said she had given me all the Dilaudid ordered, so did I want to try and eat something and take Percocet since she would have to ask the anesthesiologist if I could have more Dilaudid, and he was in surgery. I'm sure by now you can guess what my response was: "Page Him." So she did, and I got my drugs! I slept more, and more. I think I ate some crackers at some point and drank some gingerale to take the Percocet, then I slept more, I was really really lightheaded and dizzy. I don't remember if I got more Dilaudid after that. Dr. Kelly came back again, he asked if I remembered speaking to him earlier, I said yes, but I didn't remember what he said. HE told me again...took down the cam, scar tissue, and the psoas was fine 'you were right, I'm glad I listened to you.' He also said had he done my left hip first, he would have done the same on the right, cam and pincer in one shot. I asked, 'so I am not crazy', to which he replied 'that I can't say!' While he was there, he checked my dressing and decided to change it bc my incisions had ozzed I guess, I was in no condition to really care though. The nurse also requested he order more fluids since I had all that Dilaudid.Then I fell asleep again.I just couldn't stay awake but I really wanted to get out of there and go home. I finally called over my nurse, who btw, was incredible, she took great care of me! I told her to get me up, I want to go home! she asked if I was sure, she was nervous bc I was so lightheaded. I said we'll take it slow. So first she sat up the bed, then I sat on the edge for a while, I was close to the fine line between passing out and not, but I made it. She had to take out the epidural catheter from my back, then I transferred to a reclining chair on wheels. I was taken to the bathroom, you cannot be discharged without demonstrating that you can urinate. in the past, by the time I get out of bed, I am ready to explode, this time I wasn't, but I knew I had had a lot f fluid. I got to the bathroom and had no urge to go, but sort of forced myself to. I had a FULL bladder, so it was weird to not have any sensation. I mentioned it to the nurse but she thought nothing of it. The same happened when Jk was born...it resolved. I was then taken to Phase 2 of recovery where you get dressed and have PT. They left in my IV because I didn't look too hot! I now know the PT's and they were really nice to me. I got dressed and took a short trip around with my crutches and was allowed to be discharged! It was around 4:00 I think, surgery was at 8AM! There was another one of Dr. Kelly's patients in phase 2, he obviously had his surgery after mine since I was first, and we were being discharged at the same time! I would make a terrible drug addict, I would be too tired and sick to enjoy the high!! I guess that's a good thing. J picked me up in the car and we went to CVS for my drugs.

I made it into CVS but began feeling lightheaded, so I sat down. CVS was out of Percocet, I kid you not, and hadn't filled my Zofran bc it was for 20 pills but my insurance only covers 12. We got the 12 and went home sans Percocet, but I had some leftover from last time. Good thing I keep a nice stash!! I inhaled a Zofran in the car and made it home with no incident!

I spent most of the rest of the day in bed. I went to the bathroom shortly after arriving home, I looked at my leg, shit, the bandage had soaked all the way through with blood. This had never happened, I guess that's why he changed it earlier. I called and spoke with Dr. Kelly, he said to have J go buy gauze and tape, change the dressing and apply pressure. We changed it and I fell asleep. Arianna called around 9 to check on me, I think it had stopped bleeding, she said numb up my hip and sleep on that side to apply more pressure. It worked, it hasn't bled since.

I woke up around 10:45 needing a Percocet, J brought me some soup and I had the pill, was up for a bit and fell back asleep. I guess I am making up for all the nights the last few weeks. I no longer have anxiety, obviously it was over this, my blood pressure yesterday morning was 140/82, way too high for me!

I think we are in the clear, other than some serious butt pain from the traction, I have only surgical pain, no 'groin pain'. I will definitely keep you posted in my usual fashion!!!

Tears Of Joy

I actually had tears of joy this morning as I realized that my life will finally be mine again and not dictated by hip pain. My journey will finally be coming to an end. My left leg has been holding up well so far (knock on wood), and I am not crazy (well, about the hip stuff)!!

Post-Op Day 1

I know I promised to recap surgery day but I will post it later, it is too much info for me to write about in my Percocet haze.

I slept well last night, woke up and was able to have breakfast, no nausea. I then removed my dressing, the scope sites were not oozing and there was only a little bit of blood on it. I applied my waterproof bandages and showered, then removed them and applied regular (elmo) bandaids (that is all we stock here!!!). I was able to get dressed independently except for my socks which my mom helped me put on. Then we were off to PT. I think I took a zofran before leaving.

In the car, I took a Percocet. PT was basic. We took some ROM measurements. My flexion is same as it was pre-op, 112'. IR 30', it was 36' pre-op. This is great. What is limiting me is the HUGE amount of swelling. This is the worst it has ever been. MY leg has tons of bruising, I think Dr. Kelly must have been like 'I'l show her', hahah! J/k. As P was flexing my hip, I felt like my thigh was going to rip open at the seems from the swelling. My IT band feels tight as do my external rotators, thanks traction!!

My pain is not terrible, but I am taking percocet religiously. If I lay in bed and don't move, I am good. Moving hurts a little but I have so much more active motion than I have ever had this early post-op. I can do a heelslide without a problem and getting in and out of bed is not as hard as it has been. Again, 'wow, PT really works'!!!

After PT, my mom and I went out to lunch. As we sat down and the food came, I got very lightheaded so quickly ate half a sandwich, it helped. The plan was to go to CVS after lunch to pick up more bandaids, colace and percocet (can you believe the pharmacy was out of percocet last night....good thing I had some left over from last time) but I got soooo tired I had her take me home and I napped for 3 hours.

Now I am in bed, just chilling! I have phone calls to return and I should ice, I forgot to put my stolen icepack in the freezer (I took one from work today).

More To follow!!!!

Details, Details,Details

I am in bed, took a Percocet about an hour ago. No one else is up in my house yet so there is no point in geting out of bed.
I had to be at HSS at 5:45AM. I had already filled out the majority of the paperwork last week, so I waited. In the meantime, I met the people from the magazine who were doing the photoshoot. They didn't call me in until after 6:30. I had to take a pregnancy test (negative, phew), and put on one of their cool hospital gowns with the heater attachment, and the 'hip scope breakaway' shorts! The camera crew came in to take some pre-op pictures. The PA came to do his mini pre-op physical around 7, 7:15. J was still in the waiting room. I was getting nervous bc in the past, everything has been done by 7, but hey, it wasn't like they were going to start surgery without me, right!
Next came the woman who washes the surgical body part, so she washed my hip. Then J was allowed to come in and we hung out for a bit.

Anesthesia came next. It was not Dr. Jules, the one I had requested. But I remember Dr. Kelly reminding me that all the anesthesiologists are great, so I was ok.He asked if I had had issues with anesthesia in the past. I explained that when I had a spinal with scope #1, it took me a long time to recover, so scope #2 was done with a combined spinal epidural, much better. So he said he would plan on that.
The nurse was next, almost 7:45, we were running out of time. She had to go over my medical history again, then start the IV. She wanted my to lay down, I assured her I wouldn't pass out, but she insisted.

While she was doing her thing, Dr. Kelly showed up to 'sign' my hip. I asked him to please write 'do not release psoas', in case he forgot! He said he would remember, and wanted to know if I was going to have the psoas police in the OR!! He even showed me the consent form, he said 'look, it is not even on here', so I said 'good, bc I don't consent'. I asked if I am his biggest pain in the ass patient, he said not even close, I just know too much. I didn't have a response bc just at that second, the nurse inserted the IV needle which silenced me! He said he was just going to go in and remove scar tissue, adesions and obviously the cam bump. Ok, fine,I could deal with that.

The OR nurse came next.She looked at my hip brace and asked where the rest of it was? Huh, thats all I have. What about the posts and pillow?Huh?? That's all they gave me. So off she went, super annoyed, to find whatever it was that was missing (I still am not sure). she came back to bring me to the OR, 'we are 5 minutes behind' she said. I left J, and we went to the OR. We passed someone who was looking for whatever it is she was missing.He said 'I told Dr. Kelly', to which she got clearly annoyed and said 'don't tell Dr. Kelly'. I assume they found it bc we proceeded into the OR. The camera crew was in there with someone showing them all the scope tools, I was trying to get a glimpse, but they needed to get the anesthesia going. I was laying on the table and the anesthesiologist gave me something to relax me, and asked if I could sit up,I told him I didn't want to feel the needle go in, he told me he would make my skin numb, and then I was out!
Part 2 to follow after coffee!

Some More Tidbits

I am copying the email I sent out earlier to the 'groups' and adding some more details.

Hi everyone!I am home and resting after my revision hip arthroscopy ( bringing me to a total of 3 scopes). My worst fear was that there was really nothing wrong, and I was 'making this up'. My second worse fear was that my OS would be right and that this was all psoas. We had a lot of discussions/ arguments over this and finally settled on him promising not to do any type of release on my psoas.Well, to my surprise (not really), my psoas was fine, it is nice to actually hear a surgeon say 'you were right, I'm glad I listened to you'. He did shave down any residual cam impingement (pincer had been taken care of in scope #1). Being that I am argumentative and stubborn, I have gotten away with coming home with no cpm or gameready this time, my kids use the CPM as a ride-on toy and the gameready is just annoying for anyone taking care of me to use. I promised to be compliant and ride my bike and ice with regular ice.So...I had a large cam decompression, scar tissue removal, synovectomy (he said the joint was really inflamed). I think the labrum was fine, there were some adhesions I think....we spoke twice but I was really drugged, I will get the op report as soon as I can. He also said something about the cartilage being soft. I woke up and once my spinal had begun to wear off I was in awful pain, worse than any other surgery. I maxed out on the prescribed amount of dilaudid so the nurse had to page the anesthesiologist to see if I could have more. I was also given zofran and pepcid for nausea in the OR, and zofran to take home.I was still REALLY nauseous earlier. I also had a lot of drainage from my incisions, had to have the dressing changed once in the PACU and when I got home it had soaked through again and changed it again.As I am writing, my husband just said that he saw the before and after x-rays of the femur, before looked like 'rocky mountains' and after was nice and smooth.The pain is there but the hip is moving well, I think I attribute this to some serious pre-op PT. I went in really strong.Before I continue rambling in my percocet/ dilaudid induced blur, I will stop!Thanks to everyone who has been there to listen to me vent and complain and tell me I'm not crazy!!!

Thats the email. It is 12:30AM. I slept a few hours earlier, then I woke up and needed percocet, so J brought me some chicken soup to eat first. Percocet and empty stomach don't go well. I am also popping Colace like candy. The Percocet makes me extremely dizzy and lightheaded, but it is the better alternative to Vicodin, which makes me throw up like a madwoman. I haven't taken another Zofran yet, I probably will in the morning. I am feeling itchy all over, I will do a quick search on the meds they gave me and see what the deal is. My thigh is numb in the quad area. I will see what else is numb in the AM when I remove the dressing to shower (shhh). There are 3 incisions, I cant tell if they are over the old scope sites, I asked Dr. Kelly but don't remember what he said. I hope I can sleep tonight.
I am also having bladder issues. I am not having the urge to pee, even when I know I have to bc I drank a ton.I sort of knew right away bc in the pas I ahve woken up from surgery and really have to pee, this time no urge and they ad t hang an extra IV bag to be of the extra Dilaudid. I finally went to the bathroom and sort f had to force myself to pee, alot came out but with not a lot of force. Something similar happened when Jk was born, it resolved on its own in time, and I am sure this will too, but it is just one more annoyance for me at this point.
I think that is all I can think of for now!

I Am Home

Hi! I will make this quick and post the details in the 'susie way' later.
A very special thank you to J for the updates today. I just wanted to clarify, Dr. K did not actually say shut up, he was amused, I was silenced bc he was speaking to me at the same time the nurse was putting in my IV and I couldn't talk while she inserted the needle bc I was nervous.
I an nutshell, my psoas is fine (told you so), there was a cam lesion, a lot of synovitis, softening of the cartilage, lots of scar tissue. Labrum looked good.
I was in a TON of pain in the hispital I maxed out my Dilaudid, they had to call the anesthesiologist in the OR to see if I could have more. Dr Kelly came to check on me after his next surgery and changed my dressing bc it was soaking through. I am home now and went to look at the dressing and it is full of blood, so I called Dr. Kelly and he said it is fine, sometimes when they remove scar tissue it happens bc it is more vascularized and the arthroscopy fluid leaks out with it. He also added 'you were right' referring to the psoas!! J is out at CVS buying some gauze and tape to change the dressing. It is gross!
I am really lightheaded and dizzy, I was in the hospital until around 4. There was someone else in phase 2 with me who must have been Dr Kelly's next case, who went home when I did, I am always the last to leave!
More to follow!

!!!UPDATE!!! btw - i am still bored...

Dr K just came out. 10:55. He says she is fine and is in recovery. Who knows whether this means she JUST came out or if this is the first time he was ABLE to come out. I bet the latter.

Anyway, he says she is doing fine and the surgery went VERY well. (it better have Doc, there is no effing way I am coming back a 4th time).

I am a business man, far from a Dr. L, our little princess, knows more about the bones in the body than I do. Everything Dr K said to me went in one ear and out the other. Sorry Sue.

I do remember him saying that he had to do some repairs. Also, there was something that he found while in there that did not show up in the scan/mri??? Like I said, i am no Dr. He said that Susie was absolutely right that the psoas had nothing to do with the pain. He was nervous going in thinking what if it is the psoas and that he promised he wouldnt release it and releasing it would be the only way to fix? He said Phew! Luckily it wasn't.

The plan is to go in an see her in recovery within the next 30 mins. Yay - I can move from my seat.

Readers - this is my second and probably my last posting ever. I will leave the rest to the woman with 2 excellent hips.

J

Dr K's Harsh Words

This is J, the wonderful, snoring husband who woke up at 4:45am to be at HSS by 5:35.

While being seen in pre-op by Dr K, Sue, being her astute self, kept reminding Dr K to not release her psoas. Dr K told her to shut up and that she knows too much. He also said "what, are you going to have the psoas police in there?". I have never seen sue so quiet in a long time.

Anyway, it's almost 9:45, 95 minutes after taking her in. I am very bored...

J

It is the Middle of the Night

3:45 as I begin. I can't sleep, yet I am yawning up a storm in front of the computer. J has taken the habit of snoring lately, which is not good when trying to sleep through anxiety. So here I am, 3:45am, nothing to do, but listen to his snoring symphony and long for the coffee which has been banned along with all food and drink past midnight. This may be the worst part of it for me as I NEED coffee. I actually become very scary without coffee. Which leads me to wonder if all the other times in recovery, when I had a hard time waking up, if it was just lack of caffeine in my system!

I worked on my quad all through Desperate Housewives, it feels better. My big toe is also very sore. Both having to do with my 'limpy gait' I am sure. I am freezing, probably related to my anxiety as I am a little shaky again.

Looking forward to this all being over very soon!

The Final Spin

I just retired my spin shoes for a while. The bike will be put to good use over the next few weeks as I have refused a CPM! My 'last ride' was great, I worked really hard but feel really good about it.

I am pretty nervous and my hands are even a little shaky. I have no clue what we will find in my hip. Any ideas? We should have a poll! What do you think is wrong? More FAI? Labral tear? Full thickness cartilage lesion? Psoas adhesions? Bursitis? Hmmmm, anything I am leaving out?

It is 10:15, I have to shower and pack my bag. We plan on leaving the house at 5:15AM, so I estimate I need to be up at 4:00, to shower, blow dry and apply make-up. I always feel like I have to go into surgery 'pretty', I know, I am crazy! But it helps me feel better, so just for that, it is worth it!

I already located my crutches and brace, sweatpants, cel phone and wallet. I don't think I need anything else. J will have his laptop so I will be checking email/ comments until I go in! Feel free to drop me an email at suzq613 at aol dot com.

My quad decided to go into spasm yesterday, it still hurts a lot. I have to make sure Dr. Kelly doesn't feel the need to release it! J/K!

Ok, I am tired and cold. Time to start winding down, although I am oretty sure I will not be getting too much sleep tonight.

Weird

36 hours to go. Someone called from HSS yesterday, I have to be there at 5:45 AM, J is not thrilled, neither is my nanny. Sorry !
I forgot to copy the PT notes yesterday, I will try to remember Tuesday. I also forgot icepacks. I will use frozen vegetables until I go to my office, in the past, I ice on the first day of PT and take those ice packs home with me.

So what is weird???? I have discovered that an OS has a link to my blog. Weird! Spooky! Unprofessional??? My blog in no way is part of or has to do with my job. Coincidentally, I am a PT, I am not using this as an educational resource, more to occupy my time, vent, and record my own experience. http://www.drjonhyman.com/hiparthroscopy.shtml
If you scroll down there are links for hip arthroscopy, the last one is "A Patient's Hip Arthroscopy Blog", guess where it takes you? You got it! My blog. I told you it was weird. I don't particularly care that it is here, my blog is educational in the sense that 'what you see is what you get', I have no hidden agendas, this is my very real experience, no fancy curtains to hide the gross/ ugly stuff!!! This is what no one tells you! If I were an OS, I don't think this is exactly what I would want on my website, but so be it!!!

I think I am ready for surgery! I will probably be a ball of nervous energy tomorrow! I have another continuing education day, this time a pelvic floor dissection course. Sounds like fun!

Scope Preparedness

In keeping with my OCD'ness, I am almost ready for Monday. I bought my waterproof bandages today to shower immediately post-op (5 days no shower...does anyone actually do that???), I went grocery shopping (I know I will somehow end up back in the grocery store with my mom at least 3 times next week), got waxed (my new waxer is great, she uses this blue 'sensitive' wax, barely felt a thing) and tomorrow I have an appt for a manicure/pedicure.
Obviously these are all pre-op essentials, especially since all will be bared to the camera!! hahaha!! I was assured that this would not be the case!
I will also 'borrow' ice packs tomorrow from my office as I will not have a gameready this time.

J has been out of town this whole week. He had a brief 'stopover' at home last night but left again this morning. He brought me these really pretty canvas paintings from the Dominican Republic, the only thing is, they need to be framed. I took them to a frame store today and was quotes WAY higher than I could have imagined. They are big, one bigger than the other, and need to be stretched or something....I was quoted $480 for both, this is with the 20% discount (for the coupon I did not have) and if I pay cash. I thought it was a lot, but have no idea as I have never done this before. Any thoughts?

Since J and I don't see eachother very often lately, and we have a lot to discuss (Jk's b-day party, where L will go to school next year.....) we decided on a date for Monday morning at HSS, since there is some downtime during the pre-op processing, we will be discussing these things since we never have a lot of time together! I can't believe we need surgery to get us in the same room for a significant amount of time!!!!!

Eye Opening Discoveries

I finished my course today, YAY!! It was great! If anyone is a PT reading this, I highly recommend taking any CEU offered by The Institute of Physical Art.
Anyway, today we did psoas and iliacus palpation. I had told the instructor my issue with my hip, and that my surgeon wanted to release my psoas, to which his eyes nearly popped out of his head as he said 'wwwhhhhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyy'!
So....he palpated my psoas transabdominally and it HURT, right more than left. He then did a super cool release on it (the release hurt as well). Then, I stood up to walk. "How does it feel", he asked, first step- good, second step- good, third step- holy shit, it just went into spasm and now kills. "ah, see, you need to retrain your patients once you add length to the muscles, they don't know what to do with the extra flexibility". So he did a PNF lower extremity pattern for psoas a few times and then I walked and it felt much better. P and I need to have a discussion about this next week. P should know better, he has gone through many of the IPA's courses, shame on you!!!! J/k!
I think most of my dysfunctions are coming from a dysfunctional psoas, as it has lumbar and thoracic spine attachments. The instructor also said he noticed that my gait is 'limpy', looks like I use my rectus femoris (quad muscle) to walk and and not my psoas.

So that was the last 4 days!! I just had pre-op labwork, surprisingly, no snafu's this time!!! As I got home, Dr. Kelly's office manager called, I saw the caller ID and though, crap, now what??? is it cancelled? did he 'disown' me as a patient? No! She wanted to know if I would consent to having pictures taken in my surgery for some magazine that Dr. Kelly is being featured in, and since I am so nice and such a good patient, she figured I would be ok with it! So now I will have a famous hip!

Tired and Annoyed

I have spent the past 2 days, 10 hours a day, in a class, I am no longer a student, I am not cut out for this!
I just wrote a very long post which included all of my final PT notes and measurements, which I had to rewrite since I could not copy/paste from my office's server (don't ask). Anyway, I accidentally closed the window and it DID NOT SAVE. I am too tired to rewrite it, so you may have to wait until Friday when I return to work and will hopefully be able to copy/paste from the office! Sorry.

A quick note on my course: We have been assessing each other's movement, then we treat, then reassess, everyone is making improvements in their movement, I am getting worse!!!! What a joke! the course is 8-6, and over 1 hour away from here, I am exhausted!

Final Pre-op PT Visit

I had very good intentions of sharing the measurements taken at my final pre-op PT visit yesterday, but as I just logged onto my office's server to retrieve P's note, I realized he did not complete it yesterday. I do not remember everything by heart, but overall, I was pleased. Yes, PT does work!!! I am now a believer! J/K! I have always been a believer!! My strength has improved since our last measurements 1 month ago, ROM has remained the same. Hopefully Monday night I will check again and try to post them! I think regardless of what is found during this upcoming scope, my recovery time will be quicker since I am going in stronger than ever (I can't believe I can say 'stronger than ever' when referring to surgeries, pathetic, I know).

Tomorrow is Day 1 of my 4 day continuing education course! It will be a long week, I know!

Article Review

I have been frantically trying to get my hands on an article from this month's AJSM because there is an article titled "Revision Hip Arthroscopy". I finally got it today. It found that the most common reason for a revision is persistent impingement.
Of 37 cases reported, 36 had impingement that was either not previously addressed, or inadequately addressed. 32 had labral lesions, 26 had a chondral defect, 22 had unaddressed FAI, 22 required lysis of adhesions, 13 for unaddressed instability, 12 for repeat treatment of FAI.

Just some food for thought! I feel better that most did have a labral lesion, not that I hope that for anyone...but you know what I mean!!!

Acupuncture Consult

Today I had an acupuncture consult. His assessment consisted of checking my tongue and pulses. He can tell what is going on in 12 different organs, apparently all 12 of mine are fu___ed up! 3 are hyperactive and 9 are weak. We didn't initiate treatment today though, next time. He found the most dysfunction in my stomach, liver, and intestines, and a big fatigue problem. Plus some other stuff like neck and shoulder tension, which has been a HUGE issue for me the past week and sinus problem. All this from my tonue and wrists! We will see what he can offer me, I see him in 1 week as I have my continuing ed until Wed.

My stress has been through the roof. I have had one of the 'rougher' therapists work on my shoulders, he makes me cry, but he is honestly concerned about my tension levels. I have been super nervous about the revision. I am still hung up on the 'what if I am making this up' thing. Again- few findings on scan, intermittent pain.....you would think I would be happy about intermittent pain, but it makes me crazy! What if I wake up, and he tells me there was nothing wrong and I made it all up??????????? This keeps me up at night!

I know, I know, I am losing it again! This situation is pushing me off the deep end. There is so much tension in my neck, shoulders and head, yes head. If I had time, I would go for a massage. But I work tomorrow and my course starts Sunday morning, 8AM, 1 hour away! fun fun fun!