Saturday, October 6, 2007

The Nanny Diaries

I have left you again, and I apologize. But I am back now, for good!! I have been dealing with a couple of things, Jewish holidays, nanny issues and a Crohn's flare up. The right hip has been a lot better than it was last weekend, ever since the pain peaked and I took a Darvocet, it has been better. I will explain the nanny situation and why I think it is related the my Crohn's flare up! Warning... this is not hip related but I need to vent!

3 weeks ago, we went to Miami, in the airport, my cel phone rang, it was my nanny's sister. She was calling to let me know that my nanny was in the hospital and she would be working for me all week. Anyone else would just be relieved to have a back up nanny, but I was so annoyed that she was coming, I needed some extra hours, J was going out of town so I needed her to be here very early so I could go to PT before work....I was pissed. To make matters worse, I actually needed her Friday night and all day Saturday, but the sister said she couldn't work those days. Oh, and she said she was in the hospital for back pain. On Mon., she said that my nanny thought she would be discharged on Wed., but could not work for me this weekend. I started getting suspicious, so I started asking questions. The sister said it may be her kidneys so tomorrow they will do a CT scan, hmmmm, why not today? I asked which hospital she was in, the sister wasn't too sure. Earlier, she had told me that she had an IV in her arm and they were giving her medicine that way, now she told me that she hadn't been able to go visit her in the hospital bc she was busy working for me and cooking for my nanny's husband. That was weird bc my nanny has her health insurance through one particular hospital, around the corner from her house. So I asked the sister why she didn't go there? She told me bc they don't have bathrooms in the rooms. This whole time, I had been trying to call her on her cel phone with no luck.

By now I was really suspicious and angry as well. On Wed., the sister told me she was running upstairs to another apartment to give them her number bc they were looking for a nanny, she walked into my apartment, on her cel phone, and this is the conversation as she walked past me: " Oh, your cel phone died....and you didn't have the charger, oh, and you didn't get a phone in your room bc it was $10/ day..oh, hold on, here is susie". Do you know what the first thing she said to me was.... why didn't you come visit me? Well, apparently no one knew where you were and your cel phone was dead. So she answered, you know I only go to the hospital around the corner here, and my cel phone dies. So I answered, but your sister said you were NOT there. She told me she went bc her back pain got out of hand and then when she was there her blood pressure dropped...nothing about her kidneys.

So by this point I am pretty sure she is lying to me, and I am ANGRY. I decided to do some detective work, just to back myself up, not that I would ever confront her, bc I am too scared! But just so that I would know. If she was lying to me, my goal would be for her to know that I know she is lying, but I wouldn't need to discuss it with her, I am too passive aggressive to deal with it, basically, I am scared of her bc she takes great care of my kids, runs my house and L and Jk adore her. I had J call the hospital to find out if she was a patient, NO. Then I went on their website bc I didn't like the story about the $10/day for phone. The website says 'all patients get a FREE phone in their room for local calls' BUSTED.
At this point, I was mega ANGRY, but I had no outlet, I told a friend who is a social worker that I needed serious anger management. The only way I could describe how I was feeling is that it was 'eating away at me inside'. My friends said they had never seen me so pissed off before. It kept getting worse. The sister had to leave early a few days, she kept feeding the kids chicken nuggets for lunch every day (they are my emergency only food). In reality, I may have overreacted, and should have been glad for the backup, but I felt so betrayed and she was an accessory to the crime.

The next week, my nanny came back and we went away on Wed., so she had no kids thurs or fri., but I wanted some things done around the her defense, she came back to work with an awful cough, but I was still pissed and was acting like a diva, so I told her I needed her to do all this work for me. To which she answered "I don't need you to go away on vacation in order for me to clean your apartment, it can all be done next week when you are here, and anyway, I am really sick and have to go to the hospital". This pushed me over the edge, she was having 2 days off, had not shown up the week before, and was giving me attitude. We left it off by her saying' fine, if you want, don't pay me for these 2 days'. I should have yelled and screamed and gotten all of this off of my chest, but I didn't, again, the fear factor.

This whole time, J was upset about having to pay someone else to watch the kids over the weekend since she was supposed to do it to make up for all the days she had been off, so he decided to deduct $100 from her pay. I hadn't yet told him about our latest fight.

I was so scared to come home, I was crapping in my pants! On Monday, she came and said nothing. She asked me if I had paid her or if J had paid her, I said J, oh, bc there were $100 missing. Hmm, I'll speak to J about it, I just bought myself another day! Wed., she brought it up again, no escaping her this time, Ummmm, J deducted it bc we had to pay someone else for the weekend when you couldn't come. Oh. Shit, she was pissed, this was soooo not worth the $100, I am going to kill J.
On a side note, the reason I am left to deal with the shit is bc of a language barrier between J and the nanny, they do no communicate, ever!
I then ran out to the store. On most days, I let her go home early, I don't need her around, and she will stay late or come early if I need her to, it is a nice working compromise. I got home and she was sitting on the couch, I told her she could leave.
No, she said, this is how things will work from now on,. I will stay everyday until 5, regardless of whether you need me to or not, I will never work late for you, never come early for you, you have no regard for me and no consideration for me, I was sick, and this is disgraceful. She went on and on, I argued a little, she did most of the talking, I agreed to give her the $100.
Things ended well, everyone is happy, I am relieved, I got totally walked allover but at least I still have her. For me, it is priceless to have her, I walk out the door in the morning, I never call her to tell her what to do, where to take the kids, what to feed them.....she is in total control...of everything apparently!!

During my anger/ angst over what she would do minus the $100, my Crohn's kicked up. I don't know if I believed that stress can cause a flareup, I am now convinced.


Anonymous said...

.....aiiish, Susie -!!
Are you at least feeling better after the Crohn's episode?...

Gosh, she really IS in charge -- maybe this is unavoidable when you (as employer) have only one trusted employee!!

Maybe you *could* get some recommendations from other parents for emergency backup childcaregivers... no need to tell your current nanny about this at all.....unless (& until) you want to recoup some of your legitimate *boss* status with her!!!

(just an idea
KT ... )

Funnelcloud Rachel said...

Wow and ugh! Sorry you had to deal with this!

I am just like you - passive aggressive and unable to deal with confrontation. BUT - since she walked all over you AND convinced you to give her the $100 and since things have cooled off, it might be worth a "conversation" with her about how you feel she was dishonest with you. Don't let her get away with that sneaky behavior! (And too bad about the language barrier w/ your husband - otherwise I would make HIM confront her!) Let her know your reasons and that you just want her to be honest with you so that you can work things out should this come up again in the future!

Susie said...

We are over our argument and everyone is happy again!! She is happy bc she got her $$ and I am happy bc she is happy!! At least I am actually asking her to do things for me that I used to 'feel bad' about! Maybe this fight will be beneficial, to me anyway!!!