Friday, December 11, 2009

My Breaking Point

It seems as if I am hitting a rough patch this morning. I am beginning to feel frustrated and sad at the same time. It just doesn't seem fair. As I sit at my computer, holding back tears, I wonder what I could have done wrong to end up back in this situation, 3 small children to care for on crutches. Up until now, my mom has been here and has been doing pretty much everything. She went home today and I am feeling extremely overwhelmed. I am using 2 crutches for the most part, I am able to get around the house a little bit on one crutch, but the pain in my ITB gets worse when I do this, so I know it is not a good idea. Jk wants me to take him to school, L is concerned about how I am going to dance with her at her school Chanuka party next week, and Zk just wants me to hold him.

I know this is temporary. I have been here before. I am almost positive that I can read back to another post and I will have written the same thing at around this point post-op. It is just so hard to have to rely on others for just about everything.

If I continue to mope, I start to wonder why I was destined to have 4 surgeries, in less than 3 years? I try to be positive, I guess this is not the worst thing to have. It is not life threatening, more of an inconvenience. But as I am living with the reality of it, it is hard to be positive. And just like in the past, I know that this too shall pass.


Anonymous said...

stay tough, i know how hard it is to juggle 3 small kids. you are a great mom and they know it....

Sloan said...

It is so easy to fall into despair especially when you try to figure out what you did wrong. It is emotionally draining and a wicked cycle. This is when you need to pull on all the positive things in your life. Hang in there Sue it will get better.

SHC said...

Been there, done that...totally broke down after hip surgery #6 (and feeling all wasn't right yet) with the clergy volunteer who came to visit. Seemed he'd also been there, done that...just for different medical reasons...and he listened and empathized, and allowed me to vocalize all of my fears, disappointments, shattered hopes, etc that came with life revolving around repeat, multiple doctor visits, injections, tests, and hospital stays for multiple surgeries.

As he explained so well, it is a process...and we have to ALLOW ourselves the time to process. If we didn't have these feelings, then THAT wouldn't be "normal" either!

So allow yourself the time to will move, at your OWN speed, and may even go in and out of the steps of processing at times, not always in a forward projection. But that is okay! Especially for those of us who have been dealing with all of this as a wife and mom of small children...not wanting our kids to define their childhood by mom's surgeries or grow up only knowing their mom as not like the others...

Allow yourself...really, it IS normal.