Without going on and on, and sounding like a super complainer, I will leave it at this. I am in so much %$&*@%$##$%% pain (use as many descriptive words as you feel is necessary). It has been 1 1/2 weeks since the super fun synvisc injection and no, it is not helping, no, I don't feel even a teensy bit better. In fact, the pain is so horrible that once again I am trying to figure out what the easiest way to cut off my leg would be.
I am sick of people saying "try PT", "try drugs", "get another opinion", "give it more time". I think I have given it plenty of time, for gods sake, this happened at the beginning of June. How much more time do I need before I lose it altogether, as opposed to just a little, like now. Case in point, I almost had a nervous breakdown last night when I asked for cucumbers and tomatoes to be cut into little pieces for salad. I came home, first, to find they were cut in chunks, and the cucumbers were not peeled, just sliced. As I was re-cutting the tomatoes, J kindly pointed out that the so called cucumbers were in fact mini zucchinis. Poor J didn't think I would lose it over zuchinni.....well.....super bitch is back! If you are reading this and have never dealt with pain and the frustration involved, you probably think I am nuts, for those of you who have, I'm sure you can easily relate.
What brought me to write this (and no, it was not just to complain) was that I was walking Jk to school last week and can distinctly remember the day 2 springs ago that I was walking L to school on the same path and finally was able to say to myself, "OMG, nothing hurts". I was thinking about that as I was walking last week, and the left hip still feels perfect, yet the right one feels like ice picks are running through it. I hope that I can have that same feeling once again really soon. What keeps me from the brink of insanity is that I have the left to remind me that things can be good again, and were, for a very long time, and it is possible to fully recover from these issues.
Had I not had such a good outcome on the left, or the 1 1/2 good years on the right, I think I may have given up and resigned myself to live like this, but I know that there is bigger and better out there, so in the meantime, I will keep trying to remember that day in the spring, and try to keep super bitch at bay as much as possible!!
4 comments:
so sorry to hear about the pain levels and disappointing the injection doesn't seem to be helping. Did they give you any idea how long it might take (although I'm guessing you would have expected it to work by now..). I hear you on the superbitchiness/general frustration. My hubby can always tell when I'm having a bad day.
So what's next ? have you got a date to got back to your OS and pursue another avenue ? I know it doesn't bear thinking about but there is hope and you will be pain free again..
have you thought about open surgery for the FAI (that's the underlying problem isn't it ?). I had my first hipscope 6 months ago and it's still recovering but I have dysplasia so know my next move is THR..
Take care of yourself - sending you a hug from a very wet rainy Scotland. Dee x
Susie,
I absolutely know what debilitating pain is and the frustration/anxiety that can ensue.
Stay strong. There is an answer out there.
SHC
Thanks Dee and SHC!! I have been "here" before and I know that there will eventually be light at the end of the tunnel, I just don't know how much more tunnel I can take!
I am supposed to let my OS know how I am doing in a few days, and we will take it from there. No need to go see him though, just an email or phone call, luckily! It can be an all day affair to see him sometimes!! I will keep you posted.
sorry Susie, I know where you're at, the only thing keeps me going is a sense of humour, but even that can fail me xx
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