One Year From Open Surgical Dislocation

Today marks one year since my open dislocation surgery. When I think back on the year I am overcome with so many emotions. Anger, sadness, pain, embarrassment, devastation, accomplishment, happiness and so much more. It had been one hell of a ride and as I write this I have tears in my eyes, tears of happiness and tears of sadness. Happiness for all I have overcome and for how far I have made it, sadness for all I endured and had to give up, what my family went through and just plain self pity. When I think of where I was exactly one year ago today, I cry. Fresh 9" incision, newly healing femur fracture, cadaver labrum incorporating once again, IV line, spinal, catheter, and probably the worst pain I have ever been in in my entire life, and a lot more than I probably remember. And now I think of where I am today, and I am crying as well. At one year postop (with a gluteus medius repair 6 months ago) I am making slow progress, but I still need my crutch at some point of every day. I still deal with pretty severe pain in my greater trochanter as glute at times. I still have to ice. I still can't function like most people do. I can't run off to the supermarket if I need a few things, I can't spend the day in the mall, I can't take my kids ice skating, or play soccer with them. I still need daily meds. This surgery was supposed to give me back my life, but it is happening on my body's timeline, which is quite slow. I want my life back, the way it was in October of 2006. That is just before I started my hip journey/ nightmare. My kids don't know what life is like when I don't have hip pain. L was 2 when it started and Jk was one. Z came a long in the middle of it all. He is almost 5 now. L is almost 10 and Jk is 8. I hope and pray that this coming year will bring me back to where I was at that point, no pain and able to be a mother to the fullest degree.